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  • Writer's pictureAngela Larimer

Coping with Loneliness

Whether you are going through a separation or a divorce it can be one of the most difficult experiences to go through in life. Divorce and separation offer opportunities to make a fresh start and improve your life. For help with your family law issues in Chicago, call

Angela Larimer at 773-370-0600 or email Angela at

Loneliness can be agonizing…it can feel like you are drowning. People crave human connection. When we lose someone or leave someone (due to divorce, separation, addiction, violence, etc…) the wound can feel fresh every time we recall memories with that person. The pain is real. The key is not to dismiss the pain but to work through it; easier said than done. One must remember that it is ok to grieve the loss. Sometimes our memory can trick us into romanticizing who that person was to us, rather than recollecting who they actually are and how they treated us in the relationship. You might not necessarily miss them but, you miss the fragmented memories of the good moments and happy moments you had shared with them. (Read our blog to learn about the five stages of grief).

Here are some tips to help battle loneliness…

First thing is first, divorce or separation does not mean your life is over and loneliness does not mean forever. This is not the end. This is a new beginning. It can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You may wake up crying in your sleep; you may be numbing yourself with TV, alcohol or other substances. Try to keep yourself in a healthy routine and with healthy activities. Loneliness is not always a bad thing. You are learning to love yourself again. You are re-learning who you were before the marriage. You are reinventing yourself and creating a new identity for yourself. When you were in the marriage did you only go to work and come straight home? Guess what? You are now a person who goes out! Were you a person who drank too much alcohol or abused substances? Guess what? You are going to break that habit and enroll in a 5-Step program and get sober! Were you a person who never went on vacations? Guess what? You are now taking a vacation or even a short trip! Go to a comedy show or watch comedians on TV! Laughter is good for the soul and the mind! There are plenty of new experiences you can do now, sometimes it’s just a matter of forcing ourselves to do it.

You are creating a new identity for yourself. Become the BEST version of yourself!

Family and friendships are an important thing to rely on during a divorce especially when battling loneliness and possibly depression. Establish a group of family members and close friends who can be supportive, stable people to lean on. You want people in your life who know when to force you to get out of your house when you are sad.

It’s good to keep people around you who know you well enough to know when you need a hug, need to vent, or need a distraction. People who will invite you over for dinner so you are not alone in your own thoughts every night.

Keep a tribe of support around you. You are only human. You are a social being.

Also, remember you ARE what you think! Positive self-talk is critical during this time. When you feel lonely…tell yourself, “I know I feel sad but this will pass” or “It is just a moment I will get through it”. This step is essential.

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