Dating After Divorce-Part II
Divorce offers opportunities to make a fresh start and improve your life. If you haven’t done so yet, make sure you go back to read our earlier blog, Positive Perspective on Life After Divorce. For help with your divorce in Chicago, call Angela Larimer at 773-370-0600.
Tip Number Six: Honesty is Key
Make sure you are honest about your past. There is nothing to feel ashamed of. If anything, having been married in your past is a compliment to your character. It is just another strong testament to your loyal character and that you are more than capable of having a long-term commitment and being loyal in a relationship without question.
Being honest about having children is also important. There is no need to rush introductions and that will be addressed in Tip Number Nine, but it is important to be honest about having children from the start. Can you imagine if you went on a date with someone who didn’t like
kids? Your time is valuable and you and your children are a package deal. Best to not waste your time dating someone like that and make sure to discover that type of essential information from the very beginning!
Tip Number Seven: Red Flags!
Let’s revisit Tip Number Five, “The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long.” This is also important when you are dating and things seem a little too perfect. When they know exactly what to say and what you want to hear and rush too fast into a relationship, warning! Be careful! Be weary of anyone who seems too perfect, look for redflags. You may want to see the best in people and overlook redflags or you may be overly cynical and only look for the worst in people and that could rob you of the opportunity of meeting an amazing match.
Trust the process, you will find your balance…
Until then, just remember to be cautious and guard your heart. Don’t fall too quickly for the first person to shower you with romantic gestures or wine and dine you with just the right amount of attention.
Tip Number Eight: Approach with Caution
Have you heard of wearing your ‘rebound goggles’? It’s when you are beginning to get back into the dating field and mistakenly convince yourself that every new person you meet is simply just spectacular and flawless. This is common and tends to happen to people while they are searching for what they are actually looking for in a new person. It’s not necessarily a problem but it can be if you allow your ‘tunnel vision’ to cloud your judgment and overlook red-flags in someone. Everyone has flaws. No one is perfect.
Furthermore, remember to guard your sexual integrity. Yes, you heard that correctly!
Not only should you want to remain safe from risking contracting sexually transmitted diseases but you should also to protect yourself mentally and emotionally. The human brain releases a surge of dopamine and serotonin levels which can sometimes trick you into thinking that you are falling for someone you barely know. Don’t fall into this trap!
Give yourself 60 - 90 days before engaging in sexual activity with someone new. Take your time to get to know someone and permit them to get to know you as well. Set this rule as one of your new dating boundaries. It’s best to date and get to know someone genuinely with a clear mindset and refrain from engaging in activities that may cloud your judgment.
Tip Number Nine: Treading Lightly with Kids
Again, let's revisit Tip Number Five. While it is important to be honest about your past, it is not recommended to rush introductions. Do not rush to introduce a new partner to your family members or your children. Remember to tread lightly with kids. Please take your time with this, especially in the early years of getting back into the dating world.
Tip Number Ten: Most Importantly…It’s All About You!
Most importantly… remember this is all about you! Prioritize Yourself! This is your fresh start,
your new chapter! Make sure you are enjoying yourself and prioritizing yourself! Do not let anyone waste your time or mistreat you. If you don’t like the types of people you think you are attracting, remember that you choose who you want to engage with and you don’t need to entertain those types of people! Remember you are the only one who is in charge of how this new chapter in your life is going to be written! This is a time for positive changes in your life so make sure to take advantage of this new chapter in your life.
Enjoy and learn from each new experience that life presents you, be safe and have fun!