How to Hold Space for Your Child’s Feelings Without Absorbing Them

Family Law resolutions offer opportunities to make a fresh start and improve your life. For help with your divorce, parentage, including child support and parenting time, prenuptial or postnuptial agreements in Chicago, call Angela Larimer at 773-370-0600 or email Angela at

angela@larimerlawllc.com.

When your child is hurting, it’s natural to want to fix it. You want to ease their pain, make things better, soften the blow. Especially during a divorce or major life transition, their emotions can feel so big — and yours already feel maxed out.

But here’s the truth: Your child doesn’t need you to absorb their pain. They need you to witness it without judgment.

This is what it means to hold space.

It’s a skill. It’s a gift. And it’s hard — especially when their feelings trigger your own.

But learning how to hold space without taking on their emotions is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.

What Does It Mean to “Hold Space”?

To hold space means to be fully present with someone’s emotions —without fixing, judging, or redirecting. It’s about making room for their sadness, frustration, or fear to exist. It’s saying, “You’re allowed to feel this,” instead of, “Don’t cry,” or “It’ll be fine.”

Think of it like this: You’re not diving into the storm with them —you’re standing beside them, umbrella in hand, saying, “I’m here. Let it rain.”

Kids Feel Deeply — And They Mirror You

Children don’t have the vocabulary (or emotional regulation) that adults do. They often express deep feelings through behavior, questions, or outbursts.

You may hear things like:

• “I hate this house!”

• “I want both of you together again!”

• “This is all your fault!”

  
  

These words sting — and it’s tempting to shut them down or explain them away. But what your child needs isn’t your logic — they need your calm.

Your job isn’t to fix the feeling. It’s to let them feel safe having it.

How to Hold Space Without Absorbing the Emotion

It’s easy to absorb your child’s pain like a sponge — especially if you carry guilt, grief, or anxiety yourself. But you’re not their emotional landfill. You’re their anchor.

Here’s how to hold space with grace:

1. Check in with you first

Before you respond, ask yourself:

• Am I reacting from fear, guilt, or hurt?

• Am I making this about me?

The calmer you are, the safer your child will feel. Your regulation is their regulation.

2. Name what you see — not what you fear

Instead of: “Stop yelling!” Try: “You sound really angry right now. That’s okay. I’m listening.”

This helps them identify and process the emotion, not suppress it.

3. Don’t rush to “fix” it

It’s okay for your child to be sad. It’s okay for them to miss their other parent. They can hold love for both of you — and you don’t have to compete for it.

4. Create calm, not control

Respond with empathy, not authority: “I understand this is hard.” “It’s okay to feel upset.” “You’re not alone.”

Holding space is about connection, not correction.

5. Have your own outlet

You can’t hold your child’s emotions if you’re buried in your own. Seek support — whether through therapy, journaling, or trusted friends — so you have space to process your feelings, too.

Your Presence Is the Healing

You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need a perfect solution. You just need presence.

When your child knows they can come to you exactly as they are — angry, scared, heartbroken — and still be loved, they learn resilience. They learn safety. They learn self-worth. And you? You learn that parenting isn’t about absorbing pain. It’s about holding steady in the middle of it.

Divorce and transition are tough on families — no sugarcoating that. But your ability to hold space for your child’s feelings, while protecting your own emotional energy, is a kind of parenting that builds unshakable trust.

You are not failing because your child is struggling. You are showing up — and that’s everything.